The Muted Bravado of a SMG

You're actually not much of a Hipster. Congratulations! You may have Hipster style, but you're healthy, you eat right, you have a decent job you enjoy, your finances are stable, you plan on buying a house (if you don't already own one) and settling down before you're 35, you have friends you like, your friends like you, and you can honestly say you're pretty damn happy. Perhaps you should adopt a Hipster and draw them into your perfect lair . . .